2 months ago, I read digital minimalism by Cal Newport. He calls it ‘an intentional approach to technology that involves a limited number of online activities’. I call it an approach to aligning your digital world with your values based in intention. I had been hearing friends + fellow konmari consultants sing its praises for a year now. My friend Kelley recently did a 30 day digital detox, one of the practices advocated in the book and I was inspired to do the same. 

Social media has always been something that I’ve felt overly dependent on for connection to the outside world, now more than ever. My relationship with social media has been something that I knew for a long time was unhealthy. Scrolling mindlessly for hours, yet I wouldn’t actively identify it as a problem. It was a distraction. In a moment of boredom, I’d reach for my phone. When I couldn’t remember the name of some actor, I reach for my phone. Hours later, I realize I had forgotten the original purpose for picking it up at all. 

What I did

2020 has been a particularly trying + stress inducing year, and it felt like the right time to take a break. I hadn’t yet finished the book, but I decided to do a detox for the month of September, which would include all social media, minimal email interaction + an intention to stay off my phone unless using it for its original purpose, to connect with other humans. 

In my first few days without my phone dependence, I noticed a clarity in my headspace that I hadn’t been aware of before. There is a heaviness that I often feel behind my eyes, especially noticeable on days when I’ve had alot of screen time. I also noticed feeling less stressed. As an empath, I am extremely sensitive to other peoples energy. Its taken years of work to create the boundaries I need to protect my energy, yet I didn’t realize before that through my phone, I’m still exposing myself to a world of potentially harmful energy. What people post, the words behind it, it all has energy attached to it. Our brains get overwhelmed with negative messages extremely easily, it takes 5 positive messages to equal out the same energetic equivalent. But because of the way algorithms work on social media, the negative rises to the top, and we can end up overwhelming our brains which negatively impacts our worldview, all at a subconscious level. 

After a week, I noticed that I didn’t miss social media at all. I was more fully present for a trip up to the san juan islands with my family, more creative at home growing our garden, working on landscaping projects and discovering that I want to evolve my business to do more design work, as well as a decision to create a new business with my wife. It’s amazing what you can create space for when you are focused in on yourself + your immediate surroundings, instead of the worldview of the social media world. 

Ironically, about halfway through my detox, the social dilemma came out on netflix. Watching this documentary at that time reinvigorated my intentions, and validated my choice. I recommend it to everyone now. For those who haven’t heard about it, its a documentary about the business of social media, primarily based on interviews from former execs within silicon valley. Knowing that the executives at apple, Facebook, instagram etc. dont allow their children to be on social media should tell you all you need to know. But go watch it for yourself, its a great learning opportunity. 

I also noticed myself checking my email more than I originally planned to about halfway through the detox. The craving for some interaction with the outside world was still there. As a part of my minimal email intentions, I decided to only check personal email once a week, and business email 3x per week. Another unhealthy dependence I have noticed this year is to reading the news, which I primarily do through the new york times email delivered daily to my inbox. Unfortunately I didnt stick to my goals as well as I’d liked to, but I still achieved some major email decluttering with the number of newsletters I unsubscribed to. It felt amazing to decrease the amount of emails coming in, especially when checking it so sparingly, they add up quickly. 

For the remainder of detox, I worked on alot of projects, learning to reupholster my own chair, home decor projects + planning + going on another trip, this time to glacier national park, which I highly recommend this time of year. The change of seasons is breathtaking. 

What I learned 

Now that I’ve been back on social for two weeks, I find myself actively thinking about how much time I’ve been on social, in a way that I never had an internal dialogue before. I think its so important to interrupt the addiction, to allow yourself space to decide what type of relationship you want with your digital world. 

Conversation > connection

One of my biggest takeaways from this experience was learning to use social media as a support tool. Instead of spending hours ‘connecting’ with friends via messages on social, or even text conversations, using these opportunities to setup to meet in person, or have a FaceTime call instead. The closer we can get to face to face interactions the better. Get offline + engage in meaningful conversations. 

This isn’t to say that I don’t still slip up, and spend more time or get distracted on my phone, because I do. But I do spend much less time than I once did + I call that progress. 

Leaving my phone at home 

This seemed like a wild idea a few months ago, but creating boundaries makes all the difference. Leaving my phone at my desk, or at home when I go run errands cuts down on opportunities to mindlessly scroll. 

Do not disturb mode 

Such a game changer for creating pockets of completely uninterrupted time. I use this feature on iPhone to set boundaries for beginning + ending my workday, as well as anytime I need to have complete focus on a work related task. Learning that you don’t need to be on call for your friends + colleagues 24/7 is such an important boundary to create. Humans aren’t meant to be connected limitlessly. 

Facebook for real friends only 

A week after reincorporating my social world, I radically reduced my social network on facebook. Its one of the things that has always bothered me about facebook, how many people who I really don’t know that I maintain connections with. The human brain is capable of creating 150 meaningful relationships in a lifetime. Over the years working in sales, I was told to create as large of a network as possible, thousands of ‘friends’. For whatever reason in my mind, I thought of all those connections as potential customers, so I have to stay connected to them. Not anymore. Now, I have reduced my network to under 300 people, that are friends + family that I truly value in my social sphere. Less overwhelm, and more calm. 

My digital detox recommendations: 

1 watch the social dilemma + read digital minimalism

As I previously mentioned, both of these resources are super impactful, and give a solid foundation for the motivation to start a digital detox. 

2 create a 30 day detox 

Potential areas to include: social media, email, news, blogs, tv, phone, tablets, laptops + any other digital devices. Create rules around business + personal use, and find an accountability partner who knows about your detox that you can talk to throughout the process. I highly recommend journaling daily throughout this process, and set intentions for what you will do with this time. 

3. Create a new plan for your relationship to your digital world 

4 Turn off ALL notifications on iPhone, create do not disturb times, limits for time on social media, delete apps from phone + force yourself to only access them on laptop 

After you reintegrate into your digital world, make intentions about the new relationship you want to have with it. For me, this meant turning off notifications, setting new usage limits + deleting tons of apps on my phone, to force myself to stay off + keep my new habits in place. 

4 Turn off in app notifications - on facebook go into settings- turn off push notifications for comments, groups, video etc. 

Notifications serve as casino games to your brain. Constant signals to check + recheck notifications to keep you logged in longer. I know people who went as far as to create an entirely new Facebook profile, so that they can use it solely to access the groups they love connecting with , and in that way eliminating all other distracting elements of the app. 

Inspired to get started?

Download my digital declutter guide + schedule a virtual session today!